The event itself was a delicious, wine infused affair that raised a great deal of money for it’s nominated charities. I was really grateful to have a chance to chat with Jessica and Mark of Tutti Rouge, and learn a little more about the company and it’s history. The whole of the Tutti team were really down to earth, and so passionate about what they do. I am excited for their future, as they have a winning formula of gorgeous designs, a willingness to listen and evolve for their fans and a real invested interest in their brand.

If you want to see what’s coming next for Tutti Rouge then click here for Cheryl’s post about their Autumn Winter lines – trust me, it’s the closest thing to ‘bra porn’ that you’ll ever see!

Tutti Rouge really are a brand to watch, and I can’t wait to see the rest of the collection start to hit the shops. The gorgeous Liliana is currently available from Bravissimo, and they will be stocking the forthcoming Tutti Rouge sets. There really is something for everyone in the collection!

Here are a few snaps from my night at the ball – thank you Tutti Rouge!

I sit down with a coffee in the cafe and contemplate how the day will go. A little over a month ago, I won a competition from Fuller figure Fuller Bust to have a make over boudoir shoot with My Boudoir. I don’t normally do competitions, but entered because I just loved what was being asked: write a love letter to yourself. I did and I was the lucky winner. Since then I was scouring Nicola’s website, internet and my brain was going into overload about my lucky prize.

Honestly, I was so excited, knowing what Georgina stands for and having seen Nicola’s and Sarah’s work, I knew I was in the hands of an arti-gicians. Half artists, half magicians! I knew I would be made to look fabulous, all I had to do was enjoy the day.

I turned up at Nicola’s with the biggest suitcase, full of sari’s, shoes, accessories, hair extensions and ideas of voluptuous nakedness!

I loved Nicola straight away, it’s like you’re immediately long lost friends and that’s saying something considering the first thing we did was lug my supersize suitcase, guitar and cupcakes up a rather steep hill, but the adrenaline was already pumping. Nicola welcomed me in at which point I met the other two most important people of the day, Sarah Elliott for MUAH and Normie for general cuteness and moral support!

Over a cup of coffee we just chatted, about me, the things I like, expectations of the day. I was asked at one point, what parts I liked least.. I said I had bra scars and rather dry elbows! For me, this was my chance to mark a milestone in my life, like my tattoos, everytime I view these pics they would take me back to this day, a couple of weeks before my wedding to the most awesome man, (sorry other men!) a time in my life when I am extremely happy being who I am, in a place surrounded by my friends and family who also accept me for me. This was my chance to have a true professionals do their thing and all I had to do was what they told me to.

I did specifically ask Nicola to get my love bumps into shot, for me, I love my body and its wibbly wobbliness, me love bumps have always been a part of me, have never hindered me and I did not want to hide them away.

As the day went on, and I went from one outfit to another to none, it literally got better and better, it was hard for me to pose as I had to have a neutral face but inside I was bursting with happiness and all I wanted to do was smile. My favourite shot of the day is one which actually I will not be sharing online, it’s my nuddy shot, it’s me with my curves, and lumps and bumps and it’s me.. i feel it captures my soul and everything about me and it’s mine. On a bad day I look at it and go “Woah” and even better so does my man! lol!

Thanks Nicola, Sarah and Georgina for making this happen. It’s extraordinary gift you’ve given to a fellow woman and I wish at some point if not every day of their lives, all women: skinny, fat, curvy, slender, round, pear, athletic whoever they are and wherever they be also feel this way, confident in themselves and empowering and supporting each other.

Mucho love, you sexy ladies xxx

“I used to dabble in making things for myself and the occasional gift for people, but as I was working as a business development manager for a major retailer since I left university, it was nothing more than a hobby. Then I got made redundant in February and I was heartbroken, and unsure of my next move. Cue a bit of travel and messing about before deciding to invest in lots of supplies, a website, some graphic designers and a PR firm to help launch things! That was only this April and already I’m taking custom orders, have grown a nice Internet following and I am thoroughly enjoying being so creative. There are a couple of big ideas in the pipeline that should be ready for release in June and I can’t wait to start working at vintage fairs, craft fairs and tattoo conventions in May.”

Paula’s business looked and sounded fabulous, and I couldn’t await for my surprise parcel of pieces to arrive…

I was very excited to try my unique one off pieces on, and what better dress to pair them with than my purple Jessica from Pinup Girl Clothing.

The lucite earrings were stunning. I loved the stars, the shape, and of course – the colour!

The necklace was simple and elegant. I’m not a fan of chunky or long necklaces, as I don’t think they don’t look too good on a larger bust, and so this lovely rectangle rose number suited me rather well.

Brooches are not something I wear that often, but I do find they are VERY useful for pinning boleros closed, and the vintage brooch made my outfit look very pulled together. The peach brooch looked fab on my bolero, and would look especially good with some matching hair flowers or other pieces of jewellery.

I’m really pleased with my jewellery from Pieces Of The Past, especially my earrings! Paula regularly updates her Facebook page with her new and upcoming pieces, and the array of gorgeous designs and colours brightens up my newsfeed!

If you do fancy purchasing some jewellery from Pieces Of The Past then use the code ‘FULLER’ and get 10% off – you won’t regret it!

As I have said on here and in countless interviews, the reason for starting my blog was simple: I wanted to show women how clothing and underwear looked on a larger frame and bust, and give my opinion and views at the same time. No photoshopping, no professional hair and make up and photographer, just me, in my living room, running back and forth with my camera on timer! Over the past few years my blog has evolved somewhat, and as well as writing my reviews I also host guest posts from Mums, smaller busted women, corset experts and so much more. I write opinion pieces on things like the word ‘fat’, cup size and back size misconceptions, celebrity bra sizes and everything inbetween. But above all, I try to stay true to my blog – true to why I wrote it and who I write it for.
And so I thought I would write this post to share with you what I have learnt along the way. My blog is not perfect, my methods may not be recommended, but it’s worked for me, and I hope it can help work for those of you out there who are thinking of starting a blog. My advice comes from writing a fashion and lingerie blog, and so a lot of my commentary will be applicable to those areas of blogging.

When I first had the idea of starting my blog I was aware of only a few other blogs. Pocket Rocket Fashion, Sophia Jenner, Undercover Lingerista, Thin&Curvy, Diamonds’n’Pearls and Invest In Your Chest. I must say that Thin&Curvy’s blog was pretty much the inspiration for my own, as I knew then that my blog would consist of clothing and underwear reviews like hers, and a description of my figure would be the best way to let people know what the blog was about. My fuller figure and bust…wait, what a great name for a blog!
So far I’ve had no regrets with regards to my name. Yes it’s a bit of a mouthful to say, but I wouldn’t have named my blog anything else. My only issue is with those who come across my Facebook page of the same name and assume it’s a page dedicated to women with a larger body and bust, and they become quite irate when I post other things…

Before committing to a name for your blog, make sure you are happy with it. Make sure that it still looks good when it becomes one word, as that will be how your URL will make it look (Pen Island anyone?) and google it to check that you are not unwittingly copying anyone else. If you are stuck, why not just use your name, or an alliteration of your name? Do not make a hasty decision!

When I first started blogging I had no ‘About Me’ and no way for people to contact me. I just assumed that I would write my blog and that would be that. Cheryl forced me to get Twitter a few months after starting the blog, and she set up an email address for me at the same time. I started the Facebook page a few months later, and recently added a descriptive ‘About Me’, along with contact details. I know how important it is to have all of the above now, not least because my day job requires me to read many many blogs and contact the bloggers, whilst assessing their social media fan amounts. So make sure you do have an email address clearly displayed on your blog, and use and abuse social media to your advantage!

You will need to decide early on whether or not you want to be anonymous, or show your face or body in your blog. These days there are entire press events created for bloggers, specifically fashion bloggers, and being anonymous could mean missing out on that.
As for showing parts of your body that you are not happy with – think very very carefully. The internet never forgets ANYTHING, and so if you post one bra clad photo and change your mind a minute later, it will be too late! I don’t mean to scare you, I just want to make you aware of how things could affect your future.

My number one rule of blogging is – stay true to why you started. It can be easy to get swept up with offers of sponsored posts and random reviews, but your audience and reasons for writing should be at the forefront of your mind when you set about writing a new post. Your readers come to you because they know what they are getting – don’t make them go elsewhere.

You should also be honest. If you are reviewing freebies and you really don’t like them then say so. People may make purchases based on your recommendations, and if you aren’t being truthful about a product then it may ruin things for them. There are ways of saying that something isn’t to your taste without being rude or upsetting the brand, and everyone appreciates honesty.

Speaking of freebies – don’t expect it to happen over night, or maybe at all! I get tens of comments from women who see that I review gifted items and say ‘cor, I had better start a blog so I can get freebies!’ – that’s not quite how it works. Yes, some bloggers get sent items to reviews – companies aren’t stupid, and they know that a bloggers with x amount of readers being send a dress that costs them £20 to make may make them £200 back. However, it takes a while for those companies to notice and want to interact with bloggers, and that often doesn’t happen when bloggers go ahead and ask for products! So if you are writing a blog to get freebies, good luck! A lot of hard work and dedication has to go into making a blog work, and for that you really need a true passion. Stick at it, and it will pay off, but your reason for writing should not be because of ‘freebies’.

You should also bear in mind that bloggers who do get sent items often choose those items. And so they will often be positive about the item, as they will have picked it for a reason. I have been sent one item that I did not want or like in my whole history of blogging, and that was the dreaded Ahh Bra. And as you can see I was less than kind about it…

People blog about all sorts of things. Tents, restaurants, clothes, dogs… Personally I believe that reviews should mostly be picture rich to help break up the text, and as descriptive as possible. The photos do not have to be of you, but it’s nice to have a reference for your readers if the post allows for it. Reviews should be honest, engaging and true to the subject matter.

I always try to share my reviews on my various social forums – Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr etc. I try to make the companies mentioned in the review aware of it, and I sporadically share old review every so often so that new readers and followers can be informed of older posts. I use my posts to refer to things, to answer questions about how certain brands fit me, or how colours look on me. I always categorise my posts, so that people looking for bikini or shapewear reviews can do so easily.

My fellow bloggers are the reason for my success. Blogging is not a rivalry, it’s a sisterhood. I am always happy to retweet and share and mention posts that others have written, and the same is done for me. I want to provide my readers with a service, show them other options and other great resources. I learn a lot from reading other blogs, and I want to share those findings with others. I regularly share my thoughts and ideas and woes with some bloggers who have become close friends of mine, and I am so thrilled to be part of this community.

I personally receive a huge amount of emails and messages every week. They are from women asking for advice, help, a shoulder to cry on – and I always take the time to reply in the best way I can. I do the same with my Twitter and Facebook followers, and I do it because I want to help women feel beautiful or wear the correct size bra or find that perfect dress. Loyalty to my readers is what helps make my blog successful, and you should always look after those who look up to you and come to you for help.

I try to put out a new post weekly to keep my readers engaged. Some blogs update daily, some just a few times a month. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to blogging frequency, and you should never feel forced to post. If you can’t complete a post – come back to it, do something else. This very post has taken me MONTHS to write! I felt like I had so much information to get down, and it seemed incredibly daunting. However, I wrote a few extra lines every week or so, and although it will never be perfect, it’s finally taken shape and hopefully gives budding bloggers some good advice!

I hope my post has made sense and you have enjoyed reading it! As I said, these are tips and tricks that I have picked up and made up along the way and used to make my blog successful.

The above picture is one I took today, actually. April 23, 2013. I am twenty years old in this picture, this summer, July ninth, I will be twenty one. Today I woke up feeling awfully disgusted with myself. And these days happen every now and then. I recently started a healthy journey to getting fit. Before, it was eating disorders, crash diets, exercising till I passed out, and so on. I still wake up every now and then completely disgusted with myself. It happens to everyone, I have come to accept that now. It used to be a regular morning ritual of mine to stand naked in the mirror staring at every crevice every dimple, every inconspicuous flaw I had, and focusing on each individual one for about twenty minutes. With special attention directed towards my stomach (hence the photo I am sending along with this message). I have the worst insecurity over my stomach still. It drives me crazy, all the time. Always worrying if it shows through clothing, my little pooch at the bottom. If you can believe it, I used to be so derogatory towards myself, I’d call it my “little stomach fart” that shouldn’t be there. Along with that, I made the corresponding onomatopoeia. But i am not writing this email to glorify my body negativity, that slowly but surely is dwindling (and began once I found your blog). Rather, I am here to be somewhat of a saint of sorts, much like yourself, attempting at saving someone else from being a victim of severe negativity.

It all began when I was seven years old. I had a brain tumor. From being in the hospital, unable to move around, for a few weeks I gained a bit of weight. And it kind of cascaded from there. seeing as though I was seven years old, being cured of cancer, you’d think it was okay for a child to have gained a little weight, right? Nope. Not in my father’s eyes. Once I was better, fully recovered about a year later, he directly put me back into multiple sports at a time. He put me on a diet, 1300 calories a day. Ridiculous for a small child, you’d think? I didn’t know better. I was eight years old. I knew I hated the fact that my dad ut me on a diet so young though. By nine years old, I developed epilepsy from the leftover scar tissue mulling around in my brain from my surgery at seven years old. Not your typical grand mal epilepsy, but rather something called focal seizures. They knew what it was caused by, and it was from a focused area in my brain. After my first one had occurred, a neurologist prescribed me a medication called Tegrotol. My dad looked it up once we had gone home from the doctors. And oh, fantastic, Tegrotol also increases appetite and decreases metabolism. So he then had me on an even stricter diet and exercise plan. From nine years old till about thirteen years old, I was eating 1200 calories a day and rigorously exercising every day…

Pausing for a short interruption: I do not blame my father any longer nor do I hold resentment towards him any longer for the things he did. He was worried about my health and best interest, and as I grew older, I realized that.

At fourteen, I developed bulimia. My father would say at dinner, every night, “Should you really be eating that?” Or, “Please think about that extra helping.” So one night, I got the brilliant idea that maybe, if I excreted the food that was in me, that wouldn’t be extra caloric intake that day. And then that day turned into every day, at every dinner. And eventually, every dinner turned into every meal. Soon thereafter, my teacher had caught me at school with a toothbrush in my hand walking to the bathroom. And no, not to brush my teeth. I was forced to see a counselor at school. But my father was never notified. At fifteen, my father got severely ill, he was rushed to the hospital on one specific occasion from internal bleeding of his esophagus. I was torn up from that. So now, my disorder was turned into a stress reliever instead of my own personal weight loss plan. Throughout my high school, I experienced horrible things one after the other. And they all seemed to flood into my life at the same time. My disorder would be faint at what I classified a “good point” in which I would over dose on my prescriptions to take pain away. But then, it would flood back into my life like the gates to the Red Sea had just been clashed by Moses. I was bulimic for five consecutive years. At times, it would fade. But it would always come back with a vengeance whenever anything went horribly wrong. This last summer, at nineteen years old, my now ex-long-term-boyfriend found out I was doing it again. And it was more severe than ever. At first he accused me of “playing games”, just as my father used to do. But then one of my closest friends really reached out to him, and he realized it was not a joke. He threatened to have me hospitalized if I did not cease and desist all purging. So I did. Since then, there was only one time I purged. Shortly thereafter the threat of hospitalization. But the fact that I was diseased had finally hit me. And I slowly worked on my issues myself. I had been through three years of therapy before that, and not once did it completely stop my disorder. I needed to take this on full force, on my own. And I did.

Shortly after that, I found your blog and Facebook page, George. I have grown so much since then. I also have taken up meditation, interpersonal relational growth experiences, and a spirituality incomparable to any “faith” I have ever experienced. All have shown me that my body is just that, MINE. I need to take care of it. I need to take responsibility for it. I need to make it healthy. And even more so, I deserve to be healthy. Mindfully and physically.

I hope my story helps at least one reader, Georgina. Then I would feel fulfilled beyond words. All my life presence is meant for to help others who don’t quite have the tools to help themselves, just yet. After all, your story helped me.

Much life, love, and prosperity of wholeness.

Sarah W

An old friend of mine with a gorgeous busty apple shape used to wear dresses like this, and I was always so jealous of how she looked. I knew I would be unlikely to pull it off as well as she did, but I was determined to give it a try.

I opted for the dress in a size 20, as although it was listed as being made with “95% Polyester, 5% Elastane”, I worried that an 18 would not accomodate my bust.

The dress arrived just a few days later, and here is how it looked…

Not too bad! It fit over my bust and has a nice amount of stretch too it. However, the waist was tragically big on me. I intended to show how the dress looked as it was, no ‘Georging’, but I wanted to show how I would take a style that I’ve never tried and make it work. And so I added…

A belt from eBay.

A bolero from Excite Clothing, and of course my Yours Clothing tights and heels from M&S.

It’s really not a dress that I ever thought I would wear, but by adding the bold red touches, covering my arms and cinching my waist in with a belt I feel a lot happier and a lot more like me.
The dress is lovely and soft, a the lining helps prevent any static and makes it sit nicely.

My Birthday is approaching – maybe this will be the perfect dress to have a little boogie in!

It’s safe to say that I have been well and truly removed from my comfort zone with this Cream Floral Lace Overlay Skater Dress, but by adding a few of my finishing touches and favourite accessories, I’ve managed to make it work for me. Just don’t ask me to go out without the tights on!

Check out the recently added plus size line from Desire Clothing here.

The trouble is, I also happen to require a 28J bra – this does not help when I want to buy pretty, age-appropriate bras! The choice seems to be white over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders resembling a load of scaffolding, or super-sexy please-let-me-sleep-with-you contraptions. I would give pretty much anything to be able to walk into Topshop like my friends and buy a bra. But I can’t. When I go out to Oxford Street, my friends spend hours in ‘normal’ high street shops buying armfuls of cheap clothing and bras that somehow they know will fit, even without trying them on. Yes, I’ve measured them. They are genuinely a 32A and a 30C. I am not. So, because they’re lovely people, they agree to get dragged to Bravissimo/Pepperberry with me, in the hope that I might find a nice bra or even a top that goes over my chest (shock horror!) Shopping trips are sometimes a bit of a nightmare, because nothing will go over my boobs. I’m a size 8 on the bottom, but often have to go up to up to a 14 or even a 16 to get a top to go anywhere near fitting over the top of my J-for-Jinormous chest.

I remember buying my first bra with my mum, aged 11, in M&S. It was a super-girly, non-wired pink frilly crop top, and it was a 30A. I felt seriously grown-up. At 12, I was in 32A bras, from cool, teen-appropriate shops like Topshop and New Look, and at 13 I was still wearing the same size, and I wished my boobs would hurry up and grow! At 14, I despaired because I’d lost weight and gone back down to a 30A, leading me to stuff my bra with enough chicken fillets to open a branch of McDonalds. But at 15, I had a sudden growth spurt and discovered I needed a 30F bra. This was the point when I realised that my clothes were not going to fit nicely over my chest, and so I spent a year or so living in men’s t-shirts, with the occasional Pepperberry top when I could afford it.

I’m now in sixth form college, so I can wear stretchy t-shirts or Pepperberry tops, but in secondary school, the compulsory uniform involved wearing a white button-up shirt. Busty ladies will know that regulation white school shirts from John Lewis are not friends with large chests. So, instead of the £3 regulation shirts, I went to Pepperberry and bought some for £30 each. This was all very well, until my male head of year asked me, “Why are you not wearing the regulation school shirts? That one is not part of our school uniform!” The response “Sorry Sir, my boobs are too big” got me a detention, and he got months of dirty looks from me and my Pepperberry-clad chest.

By 16, I was wearing a 28G bra. Yes, I’d lost weight and gained  a cup size. Bummer. Men would come up to me in the street and ask if me boobs were real, and occasionally reach over for a quick grab-and-run. I also got a bit of stick at school, because according to a group of stroppy, unruly teenagers, having big boobs made me a ‘slut’. The fact that I was a virgin and had never had a boyfriend was apparently not relevant.

At 17, I’ve moved to another school to escape the bullying, and am buying 28J bras. My current favourites are the Bravissimo ‘Bettie Mae’ and the Curvy Kate ‘Showgirl’ range – although the designs are slightly moving into the you’re-way-to-young-to-pull-this-off category. Despite all the challenges they bring, I actually quite like my boobs. Coupled with a larger-than-life bum and a fairly little waist, I have quite a nice hourglass figure (albeit one with a few extra minutes). The one thing I’m really grateful for is that I have the necessary boob-knowledge to put me in the right size bra – I think my chest is quite thankful for that as well! The reason I know about bra sizing is partly down to my Mum, who introduced me to Bravissimo at the age of 15, and partly down to blogs like Fuller Figure Fuller Bust, who teach great bra fitting and body confidence. I’ve come to realise that just because my size isn’t stocked in Victoria’s Secret, Topshop, or Primark, I’m not a freak. Or a slut. I am a 17 year old girl, and I just happen to have size 28J boobs.

Body Gossip aim to help promote a positive body image either in short films, live theatre events or in The Body Gossip Book. I only became aware of their work very recently, when they teamed up with Curvy Kate on their Body Love roadshow. I loved their t shirts, modeled beautifully by the Curvy Kate ‘Star In A Bra’ ladies:

And so I decided I wanted in on the inspirational t shirt action – as did my boyfriend! We both decided on a ‘Be You Tiful’ rolled sleeve shirt – his pink, mine blue. I was worried about how a size ’8-16′ t shirt would fit me, but luckily it worked out ok…

I did tuck my shirt in at the back to achieve a slightly more fitted flattering look, but all in all I loved how the shirt fitted – and I think that Mr FFFB was rather taken with his as well!

From what I know of Body Gossip, I love them. Their message and work is very inspiring and I hope they continue to spread the body positive message.
My only gripe would be that the ‘one size fits all’ t shirts will NOT fit all. However, it is a very new venture for them, and hopefully they will start to produce some other size options to fit each and every person who wants to spread a body positive message.

What do you think of Body Gossip? Would you wear one of their t shirts?

The argument of what is considered to be beautiful is a daily topic for many women within this generation. Too skinny, too fat, too small, too tall, flat chested and massive knockers – there’s so much controversy of how we should or shouldn’t look. One minute you’re looking at slender catwalk models and the next being greeted by average sized women in the latest beauty promotion. Body confidence is important and I live by the rule that aside from the occasional use of slimming pants once in a while – accepting your body is the best thing you can do for your mental health and in most cases physical health. I spent almost nine years of my life depriving myself of my natural lumps and bumps and overcame a variety of difficulties regarding how I view my body whilst struggling with obvious defects.

I was always a chubby kid, for as long as I can remember other children seemed ten times smaller than me. I became overweight in primary school and by the age of eight I was already fitting in to size 12 clothing. It was always obvious, even when I was a natural chubby youngster that I’d be the one to have boobs first and develop a womanly body as I grew older, but as attention was drawn to my body from a young age for being a bit different – I thrived off eating more. In some ways I thought this was expected of me. ‘The fat kid’, so I may as well carry on eating my sweets, By the age of 9 I was bullied badly for my increasing weight gain and this is around the time my relationship with food became some sort of a disastrous love story.

I starved myself of anything good – vegetables, fruit and nutritious meals purposely and lived off anything processed – burgers, chocolates and crisps. When I reached 13 I was coming up to 18 stone on the scales. As I began secondary school other girls my age started talking about boyfriends and fashion whilst the highlight of my day was lunch time. It was like I was possessed by food. It was the one thing that cheered me up and made me feel happy – biting in to something tasty. I always imagined in my head that I was a lot slimmer and it wasn’t a big deal and made up for my lack ‘looks’ by being bubbly and the class clown. I’ve always had a big personality and during the time of my weight issues, I’ve always used this as my disguise.

Reaching my teens also meant of course, the dramatic growth of boobs. I already had A cups from the age of 9 but when I hit 13 they seemed to appear out of nowhere. As my breasts began to grow naturally along with puberty and my weight gaining, I was horrified by what became attached to my chest. I developed an F cup, however my right breast never grew and took a stand still at a B cup. I always thought like my mum and elder sister I’d inherit a wonderful set of naturally large knockers and was appalled at how my breasts look. The insecurity of being so overweight and developing asymmetrical breasts took a very dramatic turn on my mental health. I felt like a walking joke, as the bullying got worse I lost the disguise of being able to laugh off the awful comments and with my right cup of my bra padded out with 4 chicken fillets to even out the differences, I felt like everyone knew my little breast secret.

At the age of 13 I began throwing up after my meals in a desperate bid to lose weight. I thought by losing weight, maybe my breasts would even out and I’d lose weight, therefore I’d be happy and slim. I decided I’d throw up my dinner every night to shed a bit of the unwanted weight and would do it until I’d lost enough weight to be considered ‘normal’. As the days, weeks and months went on I noticed that throwing up my dinner was making me lose weight, but not that much to be a plausible or a noticeable weight loss – I was still being bullied for being overweight and my breasts hadn’t changed in the slightest. I knew I needed to increase my weight loss regime but I still had a passion for eating hefty quantities of food. By the time I was 15 I began throwing up after everything I ate, but would often go back for another meal to compensate. I was purging and replacing the calories with other fattening foods. At 15 I began to face the consequences of my eating disorder as my body didn’t have a clue what was going on. Was I starving or overeating – it was a very dangerous and unhealthy contrast and at 16 I developed pneumonia and began to gradually turn gaunt and yellow.
By my 17th birthday I had been hospitalised for contracting various liver and stomach infections due to bile erosion. After having pneumonia and being unable to physically eat, my body kicked in to starvation mode and when I was well enough to eat – I decided against it. I’d lost so much weight not eating anything so I began my bid to keep this cycle of starvation in place. During the whole year of 2007 and 2008 I only ever ate a slice of ham a day and vomited any other food I consumed. I became bones, my skin was yellow and dry, the bags under my eyes resembled bin bags, I was tired, I was constantly in and out of hospital, my family was at despair and I dedicated my entire life to exercising and making sure my body was as tiny as it could physically be. I regularly vomited blood, I was unable to have braces on my teeth as the acid would of rotted my teeth noticeably with the braces and I was physically unrecognisable. By this point I was so ill I was no longer at school and spent months at a time in my bedroom by myself researching on ‘thinspiration’ websites and gaining new ideas of how to keep the weight off. I endured many illnesses through my friendship with bulimia – I had bronchitis, constantly had throat infections, I suffered from bad digestion and indigestion problems, my nails fell off, my hair fell out, at one point my eyebrows even began to fall out. My fingers where often blue and scabbed over from making myself vomit. At 19, it had been around 3 years since I had done a ‘normal’ poo.

It affected every single element of my life – education, relationships, jobs, family and friends. I couldn’t go out for a meal without having to run off to the bathroom to throw up.

My breasts at this point had lost a lot of their content, so I was now left with asymmetrical sacks with nothing in them. The phrase ‘oranges in plastic bags’ could not of suited my chest more. I could never find a bra to fit, I could never wear certain tops or dresses and when it came to being intimate the fear of exposing my breasts and being laughed at made it impossible to feel comfortable around men. Sleepovers with friends in general was an issue as I’d always have to sleep with my bra on lined with my chicken fillets. The physical discomfort of wearing a bra constantly was awful and I often found the textures of the chicken fillets I wore made me develop rashes and eczema on my right breast. I felt like a complete alien or like I had breasts from a joke shop attached to me. I didn’t see the point in bettering my health as what would be the point – I’d still be ‘ugly’.

By the age of 21 I had reached my peak of unhappiness with the way my life was. I didn’t feel I had an eating disorder, I felt the eating disorder had me. My breasts grew saggier as I kept fighting to be skinny and I was diagnosed with anorexia in 2011. I was so disgusted by this diagnosis as I always thought that I wouldn’t let myself get that bad, after all I only started throwing up here and there when I was 13 to keep some pounds off. So how an earth was I ten stone lighter. I was diagnosed by doctors with bulimia when I was 16 but as that was such a long time ago, I thought despite clearly being bulimic, that diagnosis would of ‘ran out’ and I was actually normal. I completely forgot how to eat, I would prepare food and was thinking of throwing it back up as soon as I’d ate it. As my anorexia really kicked in, as soon as I’d ate a meal I would naturally start throwing up without even having to encourage it. It was embarrassing and degrading. I had no confidence and had encountered several failed relationships due to my mentality. Receiving compliments felt like I was still being bullied only now I was being patronised. As my last relationship ended during this time I realised how much my life affects other people and deprives me of the natural things that occur in life – I was now depriving myself of happiness, love and sex. The bulimia and the anorexia had began to eat away at my family, friends and partners. I’d get taken out for meals by my previous partner and leave him sat in the bar whilst I spent half an hour in the toilets pretending to ‘poo’. Looking back it could not of been more obvious what I was doing yet nobody quite knew how to help me any more. I’d seen every councillor, doctor and psychiatrist you could but I wasn’t ready then to let go of my life as I knew as soon as I admitted defeat I’d have to regain weight and the prospect of that petrified me.

At the age of 21 I decided I needed to do something with my breasts at some point to have a chance of feeling confident in life. I’m not saying surgery is the only option here for people with asymmetrical breasts, but my case was so severe and extreme that it was the only thing that could be done. I think surgeons need to be given gratitude for how much they can change someone’s life. Surgery is very serious and there’s a lot of stigma around it. I feared even getting surgery would instantly make me one of those ‘Hollywood plastics’ and I’d still be unaccepted by everyone. It wasn’t until I spoke to a surgeon and he assessed me that I learnt it was very common to have surgery and it is acceptable. I saw a private surgeon as I had previously tried via the NHS and was rejected due to my BMI. The surgeon I saw told me I’d need full re constructive surgery – loose skin removed, both breasts reshaped (my smaller breast was tubular shaped whilst my bigger one rounded), I’d get implants to even out the asymmetrical difference and my nipples replacing. Going to see a surgeon and learning that I could have this issues fixed was appealing – it was like the answers to my prayers, however, no surgeon will operate on someone with bulimia and anorexia. I was also rejected by the monthly instalments of the £5,600 surgery as I didn’t have a credit rating to prove I could pay such repayments. The double news of rejection and feeling like the last surge of hope I had left to be taken away really difficult to cope with. I starved and starved myself to the point waking up was a struggle because I was so undernourished. I began applying to jobs as an escort in a desperate bid to get the funds together for the surgery on my breasts, I started drinking heavily and took drugs to block out the realisation that I was trapped like this forever.

I think my parents really realised at this time how much my life had been overruled by my breasts, eating disorder and lack of confidence. I cried most days after I found out I couldn’t get the surgery and I didn’t care what I did I just wanted to get money together. I worked two jobs and went to university whilst coping with the side effects of an eating disorder and one day I cracked. I broke down completely and hit the lowest I’d been.

My parents are absolutely incredible people who deserve awards for the amount of times they’ve helped me in to an ambulance, sat and told me until they are literally blue in the face that I did not have to treat myself the way I did and generally just parented me and let me cry on and with them. My parents arranged, in secret that they would fund my breast reconstruction surgery. I had no idea about this, it was February the 23rd 2012 and that morning my mum sat me down and begged me to eat a piece of toast. I always remember this day because for some reason I noticed, to be frank how awful I looked through the lack of food in my system. We had a small chat about me not eating and usual I shrugged her off and went to my bedroom to continue exercising. That evening, my best friend (of 16 years, who has supported me through all of this) was round to stay, we were all sat in my living room and my dad randomly announced he had the cash saved up ready to get my operation. The absolute shock of finding out that another human could be so generous, thoughtful and offer me this hope was overwhelming. I don’t think I have ever cried so much from happiness. The guilt of my parents paying for my operation was hard to accept and took a HELL of a lot of reassurance from them – they told me I deserved it and I began to believe that maybe I did.

My operation got booked for the 23rd of June that year on the condition that a doctor can sign me off as being healthy. I had no choice but to beat anorexia now, there was a life changing operation and my parents had went out of their way to raise the money for me. I owed it to them and I owed it to myself. A few weeks after booking my operation I went food shopping and devised a healthy eating plan, I knew I had to prepare myself for my recovery and I had to do it myself. I sat and ate my first full meal in years – 10 pieces of pasta, 5 cubes of chicken and half a pepper and I actually enjoyed it. The feeling of food in my stomach was really hard to get to grips with and the urge to just start throwing up was tempting but I resisted it. Everyday I ate one small meal and over the weeks I increased to 3 meals a day. I still exercised lightly but this time it was enjoyable, it wasn’t a chore. I went on bike rides with friends and did sit ups whilst singing along to music, I began to get a taste of great food and how to have fun with general exercise. I began going out for lunch with big groups of friends, I had people round for dinner and cooked for them, I even went on a few dates and ate in front of them. The massive ‘click’ that happened in my head the day I booked that operation gave me a date to work towards, something to focus on. As my weight increased and I had to throw away my small clothes, a part of me was still heartbroken that my love affair with food had ended. It was honestly like an abusive marriage break up. To live with something day in, day out and get treated so badly from it and wake up one day and throw it aside was awful. I longed to have bulimia and anorexia back sometimes but it’d click again that I had to move on and do what’s right for myself.

By May 2012, I had put on 2 stone and a natural size 12-14. Every woman in my family is at least a size 12, it seems it’s in the genes to have bigger hips and wider thighs and whilst I still had bad days of looking in the mirror and disliking the bigger woman that was in front of me, my confidence soared. My hair started to grow and was soft, my skin looked so clear and even, my fingers had cleared up, I’d lost a lot of body hair (which grew during my anorexia) and I received a lot of attention for my curvy frame.

I had my operation in Manchester and my surgeon was always honest with me. He told me my asymmetric breasts were the worst case he’d ever seen and was baffled as to why the NHS hadn’t agreed to fund my op. He told me there was no guarantee they would be 100% perfect but he would do everything he possibly could to ‘fix’ them. The staff at the hospital were incredible and supportive and deserve recognition for how helpful, genuine and lovely they all were to me. I woke up with asymmetrical breasts on June the 23rd and woke up again after the operation and looked down to see two massive jumps the same size. I was a bit out of it but just seeing my boobs in bandages was one of the best moments of my life.

Before surgery

Before surgery

After surgery

After surgery

I recovered well from my operation, I continued to eat well which at times was a struggle as it was the first time I’d not been able to exercise as I was obviously restricted with my movement. My breasts looked fantastic – the surgeon had achieved more than what I or he had hoped for and my breasts looked completely perfect and natural. We had planned to aim to make my breasts a 34DD however when the measurements in came in after healing I was wearing a 32H or a 34G depending on which shop!

And that leads me to today. I’m still a size 12-14, I still eat healthy and I’m still in the process of replacing all of my old clothes to bigger ones that cater for my figure and of course, my breasts. I have never shared my story outside of my mum, dad, sister and three close friends. I decided to make it public as my struggles with weight, eating and my breasts has been a long journey. I have truly accepted myself and my body now. I feel by sharing my story I can celebrate all I have overcome and would like to think people who relate to similarities in this story can see that wonderful, positive things can happen. I deprived myself for so long of curves, health and happiness. My past has a lot of baggage but my future is so free from it now. I look forward to meeting a man who when he reminds me I’m beautiful, I can truly believe it. I’ll wear my dresses with pride knowing I can now appreciate what’s underneath the fabric. Every time I look in the mirror I vow to pick out the positives, because the hard work I did to get to this point, the support from family and friends and work of my surgeon needs celebrating and I am never wasting another second of my life worrying about calories, food and starving. I am just a very normal, average young woman but I hope now that people realise exterior is often very misleading and it was judgement that goes back almost 15 years that allowed me to think badly of myself. I think my eating disorder and surgery will come as a huge shock to those who know me but we need to be honest here, even such normal people as me struggle with such difficulties so I imagine it’s a lot more common than we think.

I am excited about my future and making the most out of my wardrobe, body, breasts and life through honour and honesty.