There seems to be some sort of unwritten rule on social media sites that in order to accept yourself as a larger woman you have to put smaller women down.
“Real women have curves.”
“Only a dog likes bones.”
“I want to look like a WOMAN, not a BOY.”
I see this all too often. Slim women pitted against larger women in images. Smaller women modelling items and being accused of not meeting the demands of those who want to wear them. Petite women being labelled as ‘curvy’ and being met with torrents of abuse from larger women - “If SHE’S curvy then I’m a sphere! She looks like she’ll break!”
I am so sick of those comments.
I have seen some women insinuate that slimmer women deserve the hate they often have poured upon them. One lady told me that she had had enough of being attacked by the mainstream and media and it was time to fight back – and that seemed to mean slagging of smaller women and heaping verbal venom upon them. She mentioned how she had been bullied by slimmer girls because of her size, and therefore wanted to turn the tables and give them a taste of their own medicine. I was baffled.
Did she think that pulling one (no doubt innocent) slender lady apart was payback for her own personal hell? That inflicting body snark upon another would end her suffering? Did she not stop to think that it would make someone else’s begin? And at what point had she come to the conclusion that slim women were so physically unattractive that they needed to be taunted with cruel words and phrases?
These ideas that slim women are not curvy, not real, going to snap, have eating disorders, are not attractive to men – they are disgusting stereotypes that seem to be muttered by every other plus size woman who uses social media to express herself. I understand that some people might not like to see images of slim women for whatever reason, but why tear them down like their feelings don’t matter and they are worthless? It is just as bad as calling all bigger women fat, lazy, diabetic unattractive pigs. It won’t undo any name calling, it will just drive an even bigger wedge in between women. You can pretend that you are concerned for that person’s health til you’re blue in the face – but the fact is that you are pandering to stupid stereotypes that don’t resemble the truth in 99% of cases, and that is plain malicious.
I mean, we all have our preferences and opinions. We wouldn’t be human without those conscious and unconscious desires and thoughts. So why present those opinions as potentially hurtful facts, often designed to make yourself look better?
“How can a woman that size be curvy – I’M curvy.”
I see comments like this so often. And every time the abuse of the word ‘curvy’ boils my blood! Firstly curvy is a shape, any women with any dress size CAN be curvy, just as larger women can be more straight shaped. That is a fact that we can see walking among us every day! And secondly, why do people see images on the internet, process a negative thought and then post that reaction as a hate filled comment on the image for everyone to see? It literally makes no sense!
I, for example, cannot stand Louis Vuitton handbags. All those L’s and V’s make me cross eyed and to my mind the items scream ‘Look at me, I am designer!’ So when I see said bag in an image that is not asking for my constructive criticism, I keep my thoughts to myself as no one wants to hear them and that is not why the image is there. If I were being invited to let my thoughts be heard I may politely say that I don’t really like Louis Vuitton bags but I like the shoes the model is wearing – I like to balance the bad with the good! I see no point in tearing something down just because it is not to my own personal, unique and possibly solitary taste.
I wish more people, particularly women, would realise that being intolerably rude about someone they don’t know or know anything about is bullying, and that is the only truly ugly thing to be found in situations where abusive derogatory terms are spewed out from behind a keyboard. It makes them look bad, jealous, rude, spiteful. Grotesque emotions that blacken the heart and twist the soul. And guess what? There’s more to life than looks and whether or not someone ate all the cheeseburgers or needs to eat a cheeseburger.
I will never hate skinny women. Do you know why? Because I am not at war with anyone but myself, and I don’t need validation in the form of abusing others over the internet with my words of hatred and my cruel assumptions.
I do not want to give what I hate to receive – an opinion of a single snapshot that does not impact my life and will not make me a better person.
Let’s end the body snark war, together, once and for all. Let’s end it by realising that every woman has the potential to be perfect in the eyes of someone else.
My follow up video post.