As some of you may have read here I am the mother of 2 beautiful kids. When I first got pregnant around 6 years ago with my son I was excited to do everything a pregnant mom gets to do. And by that I mean shop 😉 I was excited to go shopping for maternity clothes because it finally meant that my belly was growing and starting to catch up to my boobs. I took my Mom and my sister with me and we went to the local Thyme Maternity (a chain store here in Canada) and started to try things on. Horror show. Now before I was pregnant I was a size 12 bottom and 16 top, so now that I was pregnant the top was even bigger with a growing H cup. Nothing fit properly, 98% of the tops were too small, or just fit which meant I would outgrow them shortly. Dresses were no better as if they fit in the boobs, it just hung on me elsewhere and I looked awful. Now living in the suburbs this really was my only option for maternity wear and I was devastated. I left feeling fat, ugly, and disheartened, not what a expectant mom should ever feel. It was bad enough that my bra was ugly, but to get stuck in clothing that didn’t fit, and was totally out of style for me was just…. well heart breaking. Somehow I made it through, and to be honest I don’t really know how I did it without the help of a few girlfriends.
So fast forward to last January when (finally) I found out that I was pregnant again. By then I knew that there was NO way I was going to go back to the “box” stores for clothing. I work in an office setting and needed to at least resemble something business/trendy. My team at work is all women, and they are all amazing. They took my challenge to find pretty/fitting maternity clothes to heart and helped me hunt down some nice pieces. Surprisingly H&M came to the rescue. They had a nice, reasonably priced maternity line, and their summer dresses were all loose and flowing stretchy cotton. Needless to say I got one of those in every colour and lived in them. I still had to live with an ugly bra, but when I was able to at least put something pretty on over top, I didn’t feel so bad. After 37 long weeks (a11 of which I was on bed rest) my daughter was born. Those maternity clothes carried me through the first 4 months post birth, well worth the money spent.
Now I have a problem I haven’t faced, getting smaller. Yep, I lost the weight I gained through this pregnancy, and then kept losing. Yay for me you say, how did you do it, you ask. Well to be honest its not something I am proud of. I stopped eating. Not voluntarily, but I have no appetite, no desire to eat at all. After forcing myself to at least consume a little food each day I womaned up and spoke with my Doctor. We had a great chat and I left with the diagnosis of postpartum depression and anxiety, and a prescription for some medication. I am on the road to health but I am still struggling with the body image part. To be honest its nice to hear that I nice/pretty/etc, but I am aware that it is not healthy for me as its making my paranoia of food a dominating aspect of my PPD. Why am I telling you all this? Because its part and parcel of my whole experience and continues to dictate my ability and willingness to go shopping for properly fit clothing and bras. I know the bras I am in right now aren’t the right size, but I don’t really want to go and have to fight with another fitter about the size/fit of a new bra. Maybe soon, maybe after some toast and tea 😉